I don't understand a lot of things. Growing up I was always under a naive impression that one day I would be like my parents and I would know everything.
Yeah, that thought changed when I got older and realized that my Dad was emotionally abusive and those plants he grew under the steps weren't tomato plants. I remember that he used to keep some buds on a tray with rolling papers on the kitchen table when as me and my Brother ran around with towels safety-pinned around our necks like capes.
Now, the realization that, not only were my parents not perfect, but they were extremely flawed was quite a blow to my young mind. However, I grew up and realized that knowing what I didn't know was what was really important. Who cares about the crap you can spout off like a spigot with a broken off handle. The problem with this is that most people don't feel the same way, and a Utopian society is not created by one man.
this is all a round about way to say the thing that is on my mind all of the time, but which I never tell anyone unless it is with a joking candor to not show it could be true. So here I say it now.
I never know what I am doing.
Never! I am making up everything I do as I go along constantly. So now I wonder, how many other people are doing the same thing? How many other people with a clue that they have no clue are walking around today? What do they do. Its one thing for someone with a fairly menial job like mine to no know what their doing? Teachers? cops? presidents?
And this makes me think of something else. If nobody knows what they are really doing, why are they doing it? Why does one become a member of society when they don't understand society, day-to-day life, or why they do anything?
I am not saying that I am better by writing this because I really have no idea why I am writing this, or who will read it, or why they would want to do so. I just want everyone to admit for once in our miserable and confused lives that they are just as confused as everyone else and they don't know what to do .
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2 comments:
You are right I fear. I would imagine that is why there are such things as religion. I personally have no idea what to do or where to go or why I want to do anything. It kind of feels like I am merely surviving and not really living. As to why I would want to read this. I have no idea to that as well really. I started reading randomly just coming across it in passing looking for something completely unrelated to have the search engine give me this as an answer which it actually was not but in theory is as what I was looking for was in some regard what this blog is. Basically it is being treated as a medium for bouncing ideas. Anyway I started reading and most of it sounds rather like the kinds of things I think so I read on. Then I read some more. Then I made an account and decided that I was going to throw something in. If anything could be gathered from my thoughts to bring something to someone else I would be quite happy with that. On the other hand when I talk all I really hear from myself is gibberish. Does any of it really make sense?
For the record "word for person who listened to all your problems" is the phrase I was using that lead me here. I was trying to express a point of my own but the phrase still eludes me. I nearly grasp it only for it to slip back beneath the grey waves and ripples. Mainly I try to always be there for my friends but it seems that whenever I need them I am alone. Left to sort out my own thoughts and think up my own answers to my own questions. That sounds slightly insane to me but why do I have these questions. Usually from the listening.
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