Why does everything have to hurt so much? Why are we forced to feel sorrow? I always hear people say that sorrow is just the flip-side of joy and that you have to take one to experience the other. But why does it always seem that these two emotions come in waves?
I seem to go through phases of times of happiness and then phases of pain. In short bursts any emotion is manageable, but when I get swept up in a sea of pain it seems unbearable at times. When the sadness is so strong you can feel it physically, I sometimes wish I could die.
Luckily, that is when the joy comes and washes it away. But what if the joy refuses to come? What if you are just too sad for too long?
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Friday, June 1, 2007
Easier Said Than Done
Have you ever tried to stop thinking? I have become that the two biggest problems I had to contend with my development were; watching too many depressing romantic comedies starring John Cusack, and thinking entirely too much.
Now, it is easy to avoid John Cusack movies. Just don't watch them. That's easy enough. But the second problem, now that's where things get tricky. Have you ever tried to stop thinking? I don't mean sit and take a break. I don't mean focusing on something. I mean total and utter absence of thought? I dunno about you, but I agree with the Taoist that this sounds like the way to bliss. After all, what gets in the way of ones happiness more than ones' own mind?
However, actually ceasing thought is so much harder than you can ever imagine. You can try it right now. Close your eyes, turn off your mind and just exist. But there is a problem, the less you try to think the more shit pops into your head. I try it several times a day and it actually seems to be getting harder. As soon as I close my eyes I have to think of something in order to think of nothing so I focus on a color. But then my mind makes a correlation with that color and an emotion, or the weather, or whatever weird shit happens to be stuck in my brain. I tried thinking of a number, suddenly masses of binary coding are winging their way through my brain.
Does anyone think that total non-action and non-thought are even possible?
Now, it is easy to avoid John Cusack movies. Just don't watch them. That's easy enough. But the second problem, now that's where things get tricky. Have you ever tried to stop thinking? I don't mean sit and take a break. I don't mean focusing on something. I mean total and utter absence of thought? I dunno about you, but I agree with the Taoist that this sounds like the way to bliss. After all, what gets in the way of ones happiness more than ones' own mind?
However, actually ceasing thought is so much harder than you can ever imagine. You can try it right now. Close your eyes, turn off your mind and just exist. But there is a problem, the less you try to think the more shit pops into your head. I try it several times a day and it actually seems to be getting harder. As soon as I close my eyes I have to think of something in order to think of nothing so I focus on a color. But then my mind makes a correlation with that color and an emotion, or the weather, or whatever weird shit happens to be stuck in my brain. I tried thinking of a number, suddenly masses of binary coding are winging their way through my brain.
Does anyone think that total non-action and non-thought are even possible?
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