Monday, November 19, 2007

Talk

Why is it so hard for me to speak. When I try to think of what I really want to say my mind feels in turmoil. The words never come out how they should. I don't sound like I want to. Seriousness gives way to frailty in my words. As a result I have always been a very internal person. I think, a lot, as you may have already heard. But I would say that less than 5% of my thoughts are ever actually shared. They are simply tucked away, mulled over for long periods of time.
What is the point of thinking if communication required to convey thought fails? Being so thought driven leads me to be "smart" about things. I look way before I leap. But being safe isn't a good thing. And besides, no one can ever be truly safe. Being on the lookout all of the time for confilct makes being blindsided by it even worse.
This will be the first time I reveal something about myself here. I am revealing an aspect of my personality that is important, but I can't do so without revealing my job. I am a cook. Others might call me a chef, but I don't feel I deserve that title yet. I suppose aspiring chef might be a better title. I am revealing this because when I am in the kitchen I am at total ease. Life inside the kitchen makes sense. The hierarchy makes sense. The meritocracy of it all makes sense. Food makes sense. It is outside the kitchen makes sense. I wish I could figure out why.

1 comment:

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